Ground control to Major Tom.

What on earth in going on with Whitney Houston these days? Why would anyone choose to stay locked up in the bathroom for days, freebasing, talking to the devil, while often loosing her $6,000 dentures and pleasuring herself with adult toys with no regards to hygiene? What is going on with her sister-in-law and former drug buddy taking pictures of the crack-john and selling them and that whole nasty story to the National Enquirer? Is this just a ploy for the gang to get more drug money or something?! Oh, one other thing, who's booty is Bobby pulling a turd from right now while all this shit is going on?

Okay, everybody, into the paddy wagon you go! You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.