Did you ever see a Cajun when he really got mad, when he really got trouble like a daughter gone bad? It gets real hot down in Louisiana.

I am officially a homeowner! HomeOWER is more like it. Anyway, I am quite captivated by this illusion as a source of great happiness. The stuff god has continued to fill my senses. Right now, my calling to the stuff god is to clean my eternal reward. It’s a lot of work. The prior owners of my house were an older couple, not quite ready for retirement. The lady's employer transferred her to Baton Rouge, so selling was inevitable. There is no real evidence of children having ever lived in this house, ever! So, the cleaning tasks are not really that difficult. This house is simply in need of a good overall scrubbing before we move anything major in.

Friday afternoon after signing all those papers, I stopped by the store, picked up a six-pack of strawberry flavored malt liquor beverage, and called my friend, Jean, over to celebrate. I danced a very Ed Grimley jig in my living room. It was starting to get dark, so we decided it was time to leave when a man from the power company appeared and gave me the hook-up. YAY!

I spent some of the weekend wiping out and lining the kitchen cabinets. I finished lining most of the cabinets before I ran out of stuff on a roll. The only kitchen cabinet that needs cleaning now is the one under the sink. Cleaning that cabinet requires a little more chutzpah than what is provided by Clorox Clean-up wipes. The cool part about all this cleaning and stuff is that I am able to add my own brand of niceness. The cabinets are white inside and out and very sterile in appearance until I added my natural look liners and arranged all my kitchen gadgets in other stuff in there. Everybody get down tonight, everyone fung shui tonight!

I also picked out some curtains to cover the windows on the doors. The owner left some roman shades that are starting to unravel and generally looking ratty and tired. All this decorating will take a while to do, but I am going to have so much fun with it.

My friends the carpet cleaners are going to professionally suck my rugs FOR FREE as a housewarming gift! How awesome this that! Gee, I might have to cook them one of my fancy homemade praline cheesecakes as a token of appreciation.

Life is grand, but my mother is a different story. I haven’t even told her the good news yet. One reason I picked out this house was to accommodate the furniture she has been telling me that I need to get off her hands for 10-15 years now, but since she reneged and it seems that this house is not large or good enough for her ego. Whatever. I am at a loss as whether to tell her that house is my house now. Of course, she is welcome is she was ever to come over, but my readers should know enough by what I have already commented about her behavior, that she is really not the visiting kind. I am confused and a little sad on her behalf. Oh, what to do, what to do...

Seems to me, You don't want to talk about it. Seems to me, You just turn your pretty head and walk away.

WOW! Check out both these horrible headlines.

http://www.knoe.com/fullstory.php?id=1179

http://www.knoe.com/fullstory.php?id=1177

One would think that my hometown would be a fount of "Real Life Dramas only on Lifetime" movies. Oh wait a minute, it already is. See for yourself.

http://www.lifetimetv.com/movies/info/move3020.html

Sometimes, I swear that man is out to get me.

Today, I stand once again in limbo, concerning this house. Riddle me this batman: Why would a mortgage officer give an attorney the OK to schedule a closing appointment with a client without having secured a loan for the said client beforehand? I don't know either, but that seems to be what has happened. When I spoke with the mortgage officer this afternoon, I did mildly explain my feelings about her faux pas, but I did so without making it sound like a huge deal. I did my best just to sound merely concerned about her boo-boo. So now I have one mortgage officer jumping through hoops at the last minute, using trade jargon that I don't understand, talking very fast and appearing to be very Type A. I think I want to send that lady a freezer tub-o-margarita with a signed card saying "Chill well and serve ~ Nikki".

Grease is the word.

Great news! I close on my house Thursday afternoon! Yippee! Hooray! Oscar is happy too! I am so very excited!!!!

No really, no autographs, please...

And the signs said: "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls. And whisper'd in the sound of silence."

It looks like the closing date on the house will be changed to sometime next week, either Monday or Friday.

I told my husband all about the fun Mother and I had on Saturday. He found it fit to call her and leave a message on her machine since she opted not to answer the phone. He told her just where exactly she can put her furniture. He also told her that she owed me an apology for not being supportive or encouraging with our decision with our buying that house and that I was a damn fine cook. (He is so great!) She had said that I didn't know how to feed my husband. As you can tell my visit with her on Saturday was not so much fun. She is yet to call with her amends and I do not honestly expect that from her either. There have been many times that Mother and I have not gotten along at all, but things had been going so well for such a long time.

It's really amazing that co-workers, friends, family members, readers of this blog (Thanks Renae!), and complete strangers can give their congratulations, but my own Mother is a different story. I don't get it.

On a different note, I have discovered something that has cheered me up. Renae sometimes references to The Onion, America's Finest News Source. I really never have gave much mind to it but today, while updating ITunes, I found some of Onion Radio News podcasts for my listening pleasure. Remembering her Onion discussions, I checked it out. There are some great little snippets there that kind of remind me of Samuel Bronkowitz movies and the best part is that you really do not need to download ITunes to listen to them. Anyway, git U sum of dat! I highly recommend it.

http://www.theonion.com/content/radionews

You, Gee, Ell, Why, You ain't got no alibi, You Ugly.

Wow, it's really raining outside. It's rained all day in fact. The first real storm after the hurricanes. Things were really dry here so I welcome the rain. We haven't experienced the same wildfires of west Texas, but we did have our share of grassfires (about 30 a week) and most of North Louisiana is under a burn ban now. http://www.knoe.com/fullstory.php?id=1134

Well, my mother decided to call me back yesterday to talk me out of buying this house, again. She waved the promise of fine furniture in my face again. I stood my ground I told her that I planned to close on the house on Friday as scheduled. She said "Well, call me back when you decide to get a real house".

This is the second house she tried to talk me out of buying. I guess I should enlighten my readers my stating that after we got back to her house, Saturday, she immediately turned on the local public access which has been taken over by the real estate multi listings and pointed out every house that cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $150,000 and looks like the picture of the attractive brick home inserted into this post, as general rule. These houses are suppposed to be located in god's country, I guess. I understand that figure may sound relatively inexpensive in comparison to other places in the nation, but that kind of money can buy the American Dream in a restricted neighborhood, with landscaped lawns, underground electric, curbed streets, and backyard only wood panel fences, please. I don't guess there is really anything wrong with all that. That is just not my thing. The best part about one of those dream home places is if you don't mow the lawn on time, you will receive a polite notice in the mail addressing your self-esteem. Whatever. Too many rules to be broken, if you ask me.

In fact, I have been thinking about hanging christmas lights on my house on Friday night after I sign all those papers and burning my christmas lights on my Fauxhouse ALL YEAR LONG! That should curl mom's lip. heh!

We gunna kill em in da club wit dis un.

This morning an up an coming white gentleman urban rhyme poet from Miami has entered my headphones. His name is not Vanilla Ice. His is Pitbull, and his beats include a tympani. It is weird but it works, unlike the tuba used in Glenn Campbell's "Galveston". Besides the idea of death by way of kettledrum, there is nothing particularly fresh here. However, I remain feeling Dirty South while listening to this.

You're gonna find when it's too late, a heart that just won't break, just to satisfy you.

I will be closing on our house on Friday. I informed my mother about this and to satisfy her curiousity, I took her over there to peek in the windows. She asked how much we were giving, and told me that we were getting ripped off. She had also been begging to off-load a ton of furniture to me for about fifteen years. Tonight, she told me that she did not know if she liked the idea of "her" furniture being in "that house". She has known that my husband and I have been looking for a house for the last year or so and tells me that she would sell us her house for the same price that we are giving for the one that we plan to close on next week. Then she informed me that she would laugh all the way to the bank. I relived myself by stating that it was physically impossible for her to live in a twenty year old Pontiac Bonneville. That news made her frown. (boo hoo) Very soon after those words, I left to self-medicate on very good european dark chocolate. My mother is one flaky catfish.

King went a-sniffin' and he would go. Was the best old hound dog I ever did know.

Rest in peace, Opal. :'(

I am sure going to miss you, cute little puppy.

Love,
Mama

Saving nickels, saving dimes, working ’till the sun don’t shine, looking forward to happier times on Blue Bayou.

My hubby went back to catch the boat today. This along with a nasty head cold and a case of PMS has got me a bit crabby. As I write this, I am watching a weird movie where Denzel Washington is having a repetative dream where is he tries to kill himself. Anyway, I am just feeling plain moody, but I do have good news. I have found myself a new favorite place to grab a spot of lunch. ROLY POLY! Roly Poly, Roly Poly! Where heart thou Roly Poly? In mine chamber thou doth dwell! Healthy, tasty and affordable is where it's at with two turntables and a microphone! Hubby likes it too. You know, when I can omit smoking and my hubby can forgive the unavailabilty of beer in a restuarant, this place has got to be pretty decent, even though it is fast food. Getcha some of that Roly Poly goodness!

Gosh, I have so much to prepare for this house stuff, and I am not even talking about the closing. I have to design some patterns for cushions for a double rocker that Hubby and I purchased at Angola. I need to find some nice fabric to coordinate with paint color I have yet to pick out. This is why it sucks being a Libra. My charming personality alone will not get this house ready. I don't even know where to begin with the packing, being that we have belongings in two different states and two different locations just in Louisiana alone. Good grief, our shit is scattered everywhere! Thankfully, we have great friends and relatives that have volunteered their help with the promise of free beer.

In other words, I need to write a R&B Christmas carol titled "Jesus was born a Capricorn".

Happy Crappy Birthday, It's your birthday day, blah blah blah ah dah dah from the Shoney's crew to you!

HAPPY 2006!

Friday was our office observance of New Years, which was cool because I was able to make that day useful by signing all kinds of paperwork pertaining to the new house since everyone will be closed Monday. Go by the realtor's office, go by the mortgage company, go by the attorney's office, go to the bank, go bob-bob, go bob-bob, go bob-bob, go bob. I am really not sure what is being said in that particular Santana song, but its sounds like Carlos and the boys are cheering Bob? on. Whatever.

Saturday, Hubby and I, equipped with a ladder, a flashlight and a blow dryer, inspected the house for any potenial problems. Everything looked good with the exception of an unoperable doorbell. Jean had been chomping at the bits to see the inside of the house, so I gave her a call and she came over to check it out. Her and Lily hit it off. :) Maybe Lily can give Jean's husband some business being he owns a carpet cleaning business and she has rental property. I am not very good at refering people to my friends, the carpet cleaners, because that is really not everyday conversation. Perhaps Jerry and Jean have a new client.

Today, I was hankering a nice vegetable lunch, so hubby and I ended up at Ryan's, which is strange because Ryan's is usually the last place on my mind. I guess that is because I really don't like that place. It's really much too loud, crowded and busy for me. Today was different. We were seated in the small smoking room alone where we could eat in peace far away from the birthday clappers. I could still hear them, but they were not annoying. Far away from screaming children who refuse to use their inside voices. That was nice and the black eyed peas and cabbage were slammin'! I gotta eat some of that luck and money on New Years Day! Ryan's has also added fresh spinach to their salad bar since my last visit. YAY! I may just have to patron them again without years in between visits.

We went to Lowe's to look at some other things we will need for this house, like a fence and small ceiling fan for one of the bedrooms and I found a goody. A pot rack light fixture! I made a pot rack from a little wagon wheel I found on sale at Big Lots, but I really do question whether it will hold heavy pots from the ceiling. Nevertheless that was a fun project to make. Now that I have seen this fixture, I really like that idea. Goodbye ugly fluorescent box fixture, here comes Nikki!