Daughter of Aphrodite, hear my words and take heed.

Tonight, I purchased a baggie containing 6 pair of socks from a discount store. The baggie that these socks came in features a zip-lock style resealable closure. Is this to guarantee the freshness of my socks? I am really having difficulty comprehending the reasoning for this resealable baggie sock packaging technology. It's not like I have plans to freeze vegetables or take my lunch to the office in this baggie. I am also having trouble understanding why my socks are manufactured by Sara Lee. Doesn't Sara Lee make frozen pound cakes or something? The moral or this post is:

#1 Resealable baggie sock packaging is totally retarded.

#2 Sara Lee should stick to frozen food instead of warm feet.

Let's go get stoned.

Thank you Ray Charles for turning gin into gospel! You are second best only to water into wine. Alleluia! Hosanna in the highest!

Tell me how come all I see is the child of god in misery?

So, I finally got Fred's birthday prez. Yes, I bought it at this store full of Green Marys. For some reason the picture depicts gray and not green. Renae would like this store simply because cats are welcome as long as they are on a leash or in a cart and there are two cats, to my knowledge, that live in the store.

No, I did not get what I was going planning on getting Fred, which was a kick ass t-shirt. I did tell him about it and he wanted the link anyway.

Here is link showing the graphic from the shirt.

http://www.txrd.com/merch/popup_image.php?pID=56

My second choice T-shirt was this:

http://www.txrollergirls.com/shop/team/4.htm

I just happened across Fred's actual gift on clearance. So I have been doing a little clean-up chore on it, and I think it's going to be all good. I think he will like it.

Then we laughed for a moment, and I said that I never knew that you liked Pina Coladas.

I have two critical decisions to make before regarding my trip to Baltimore. Firstly I need to decide what else to get Fred for the bornday bash. I have one thing purchased already, and it would be a rather exotic gift to anyone except for Fred. Giving this item to Fred would be greatly appreciated, and "You gave me this just in time because I was running out and you can always find the best stuff!! Thank you! Thank you!" type of comments. The other thing I was wanting to get him has a small logistical snafu. They do not seem to have his size, or what I would believe would be his size, but I know Fred would loveit-loveit and dance around. These actions would be followed by total product mutilation, but that would be okay. Then and only then the gift would truly belong to Fred.

Secondly, do I want to get in touch with my cousin Awesome Dawn while I am there? I missed visiting with her the last time I was in Baltimore, and she lived right around the damn corner from Fred in Rosedale. I know that Awesome Dawn lives somewhere like Bellview, Bellechase, Bellsomething these days. I do enjoy seeing my cousin, but the 2 times that I have seen her in the last 3 years, everything is just awesome all the time. I could call her today, to inform her about my trip, and that would be awesome and that maybe we could get together for lunch and afternoon hangout and that would be just an awesome idea. I could see her awesome insane crazy boxer dogs! How awesome would that be. Very much so. Oh man. We could go to Value City in Dundalk. Dawn says that place is awesome and is her very favorite store. I probably should go see Cousin Awesome Dawn while I am there, in fact, I more than likely will try, but you know what? I can have an awesome time regardless of Awesome Dawn.

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.

This week was a tuffy, sooo Friday afternoon I took the liberty to treat myself to a frozen margarita at the dum dum dee dum DRIVE-THRU BAR! As you can see business is good. Hooray for Drive-thru bar! Hip-Hip YAYYYY!

A dreamer of pictures, I run in the night. You see us together, chasing the moonlight, My cinnamon girl.

I made a small mistake stating the Fiber One was made by Kellogg's. It's made by Generals Mills. My bad... I might rate General Mills a half a notch above Kellogg's since most of their cereals contain whole grains. But, but, but, I found out that Fiber One contains ASPERTAME!!! AAARRRGH! I did not read the label well enough. I found the stupid lollypop trademark hiding at the bottom of a side panel today. (sob!) I feel so foolish and deceived.

But there ain't no Coupe de Ville hidin' at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box.

The kids are back with their mom now, the husband is home and the mountains of laundry are done. Man, am I tired. I was fighting sleep at 9:00 last night, which is extremly rare. Usually I am fighting to get to sleep at midnight. I got up to make my breakfast like usual, so I would not have to do it in the morning and I was out of my regular fix, Uncle Sam Cereal. Brookshire's was out of it too, so instead of getting my steady back-up, Good Friends, I decided to try something new. I opted for Kellogg's Fiber One, boasting an enormous 14 grams of fiber per serving. I find most Kellogg's cereal really sweet, but this one was okay. It was not sweet at all, but the taste was a little like cardboard. After adding bananas, strawberries and soy milk it was quite edible.

I am pretty sure that the kids had a blast at camp. The husband must have been effected by something that happening there because he said he would volunteer there again next year, even if that meant altering his crew change. Jean and I both were in total shock upon this declaration. He made friends. He proved to himself that he could go several days with a very limited use of tobacco and no alcohol whatsoever. I can only hope that he felt that he can make a difference and to be supportive of a very worthy cause, which is the future - Today's children. Good for him.

I have my ship and all her flags are a flyin'. She is all that I have left and music is her name.

You know something, I never thought my life could get any more exciting! It seems that I am still receiving stories from camp that get wilder by the minute. On the first night, all the boys decided to have a all night long food fight in the hallway their dormitory. Apples that splattered upon direct contact with cinder block walls, and balls of wadded-up pizza were the preferred weapons of the night. My husband was up most of that night trying to catch the boys in a food fight battle with no avail. Of course, none of the boys (my step-son included) got any sleep at all, so there were a bunch a sleepyheads the next day. One the sleepyheads snuck back to the dorm after lunch in attempt to hit the hay, and got away with it too, for several hours while adults were in a state of panic, looking for a missing child who wasn't lost at all.

There are several little programs that happen at this camp, all with schazzy little names like Dramavention, Moveamento and what-not. The names of all this fun stuff are printed on the backs of the t-shirts and much of the pamphlets about Teen Institute. One is called TI Live!, which is a skit that is performed by the drama kids on Saturday Morning. Apparently, there is a rapper named T.I. and since "TI Live!" was written all over everything, many kids showed up purely on the expectations getting to attend a free hip-hop concert. Nevertheless, there were some very dissappointed children when they found out that their favorite rapper was not even scheduled to make an appearance.

I'm pretty sure that I will hear more fun stuff at the luau themed dance party tonight. That is, if I can stay awake for it. I have been driving over there every evening after work to help out and to help Stephanie get ready for bed. I have been getting home every night about midnight. It has not been easy to get to sleep because I am still in this loud boisterious kid mode when I get to bed. I'm pretty pooped right now.

The kids are a having a great time though, and that's what's important, right? Right?! Oh, I sooo want to go to bed right now. I really hate this forced alertness via Diet Coke lifestyle and I have a mountain of laundry to do and another three more mountains of dirty clothes will be coming home Saturday afternoon. I'll live through this. Or at least that is what I will keep telling myself anyway.

She rode a horse into my head. She won't discipline the children and now they're running wild on the beach and I don't care.

If anyone ever wishes to be generous in my general direction, my order is easily filled.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Buick-Grand-National-Turbo-86-GN-13k-orig-miles-1-female-owner-bone-stock_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQcategoryZ6137QQitemZ4648612693QQrdZ1

I really do heart this particular Darth Vader!

Well, she can dance a cajun rhythm, jump like a wheelie in four wheel drive.

Well, my husband and the kids have been at camp for 3 hours and have already managed to get lost en route to this place:

http://www.lmch.org/owl.php

The reason that I know this is that another one of the counselors/chapperones have called my cell phone in an effort to locate him. However, if they do find that place, it looks like they should have a great time!

She's got everything delightful, she's got everything I need. Takes the wheel when I'm seeing double, pays my ticket when I speed.

Okay, so we didn't take the kids to the Jim Bowie Relay Station this weekend. We took them to a Chinese Buffet instead. I miss Chinese Restaurants with all the huge drinks (scorpion bowls, mainly) and the flaming pineapples and stuff on a stick. All we have here anymore is the Chinese family style buffet, it's so sad. Renae was talking about "donettes" the other day. I think it's weird that "donettes" have found their way to the dessert bar at chinese buffet along with quartered Little Debbie honey buns. It seems the older I get, the weirder my surroundings become. I simply use the excuse "I am just a product of my environment" as a crutch when people feel the need to question my behavior.

Trying to be an active part in my step-daughter's life, I took her to the supermarket a few times since she has been staying at the house. I put her on the electric mart cart thing twice. Each time , on the mart cart, we had a wreck. The first time was her fault. She took off at full speed and hit a freezer so hard that the wheels came off the ground. That scared the pee out of her. The second wreck was my fault. I was steering the mart cart around a corner and went to wide. Stephanie and the mart cart knocked over an entire pyramid of Dasani creating a domino effect and collapsed a display of sunscreen also. She got the giggles and well... you know. I am pretty certain that all that fun was caught on tape and will be viewed by upper suppermarket management during some annual meeting in attempt to break up the monotony. Yesterday, we went again, she pushing herself in her wheelchair and I pushing a regualar shopping cart and I am pleased to annouce that we were ACCIDENT FREE! YAY! Safety bonuses for Nikki and Stephanie! Stephanie reported to me that our bag-boy was a cutie. His name is Jesse. Woooooo, Jesse! I threatened to wave at him as we left the parking lot and she said she would kill me. So, I declined to wave goodbye to hottie bag-boy in exchange for my life.

The kids are going to attend Louisiana Region VIII Teen Institute later this week which is a teenage leadership camp. The activites include bowling, swimming, music, drama and a day trip to a nature park. My husband is volunteering as a chapperone at this Teen Institute thing. WHOA! I am not sure he knows exactly what he has gotten himself into! He gets to deal with fifty 7th and 8th graders for 4 days! Like I said, WHOA! So, I get to make nightly visitation trips over to Ruston to visit my family and yes, my friends too. Kick-ass Jean is in charge of this program. I know she will be completely wiped out after putting on this production.

She's got saggy thighs and baggy eyes, but she loves me in a way that I can still recognize.

Fernette now has a new male companion. May I take the pleasure to introduce to my readers HOMER CHIA HEAD!!!!

We'll be living from sin, and we can really begin. Please Savior, save Your shores. Hear me, I'm graphically Yours.

I had forgotten for a moment what a genius Bowie is. David Bowie, this is. I recall how much Bowie looked exactly like my Dad's third ex-wife on the cover of Pin-ups. She sported the same dyed red mullet and wore the came color rouge. Their facial qualities were very similiar. I don't think that she was trying to channel Pin-ups Bowie, but you never know. She just might have been trying to be the Rebel Rebel Hot Tramp. I thought she was more barfly than anything.

Speaking of Bowies, Jim this time, I showed David the Relay Station web site and he was really grooving on the idea of taking the kids there one night while they are visiting here. This Saturday, they are having some performer that sings Johnny Cash & Charley Pride songs. I wonder if this performer is black and most importantly will Kaw-Liga be sung? This guy must absolutely sing Kaw-Liga. How much universal appeal did a black old school country singer have? Well, one was invited to perform Kaw-Liga on of all things The Lawrence Welk Show many moons ago, kemosabe. Maybe that isn't really saying much these days, but I really don't care. I was always impressed by the social boundaries Charley Pride was able to cross and still phsycially able to participate in MLB spring training every year. I wish I could have had a wonderful life like that by my 68th birthday.

The sun's coming up and there are cakes on the griddle, and life ain't nothing but a funny, funny riddle.

I booked my plane ticket last night. Fred has some of the details of my itenerary. Today, I am thinking of a more simple time before I ever left on a jet plane, a time when I had barely left the comforts of Ouachita Parish and still suffered from culture shock. Not the kind of shock when my life was turned totally upside-down when I was 7 when my parents were getting divorced, my maternal german merchant grandfather died and my paternal grandparents bought a house with indoor plumbing and without a barn in the suburban neighborhood of Kiroli Woods.

The kind of shock that I am refering includes the onset of puberty, attending an inner-city school for the first time and locating the FM side of the radio dial. I find out for myself on the sly what Altantic Star's Freak-a-zoid was all about as not to appear clueless, to be up on the latest moves from the last Saturday's Soul Train Episode to compete at recess and to be try to figure out as to what exactly what that girl in my class was doing when she took off her shirt, threw a fellow boy classmate down on the floor and commence to straddle and bounce on his pelvic area after the teacher left the classroom for whatever reason.

We (the class) voted to marry those two (to make them a respectable couple) behind the cafeteria during the lunch break because the playgrounds at this particular institution of learning was sexually segregated. The 10 year old bride and groom exchanged vows wearing matching black parachute pants. That day (like everyday) I was forced by my mother to wear Lee Jeans and the "name-on-the-back-of-my" belt like some huge redneck. There were NO parachute pants allowed in my closet, or at least the ones with zippers all over them. The bride's bouquet consisted of monkey grass. The class brain officated the ceremony, reading the rite of marriage from one of her mother's harlequin romance novels. The couple kissed and then the groom was immediately thrown down onto the ground, the bride's shirt flew off again for (this time) a honeymoon of respectable topless dry humping while the weird but dumb kid was hiding in another place with his big brother reeking of weird smelling cigarettes and returning to class with a serious case of the giggles. Is there anything here that resembles a typical recess for 5th grade students?! Something really tells me no, but it is all part of the influencing truth that has shaped the person you know today.

All that was so far away from the world that I was familiar with, a world with no boobies, a world without hair sprouting from weird places. It was nowhere near Sam's house on the river, with the huge garden, the round red fuzzy superdome bed, 3 staticy network channels on the TV that nobody ever watched and motocycle rides down a dusty road. At least weekend visitation with Dad was constant while everything else was not definetly in Kansas anymore.

Letting the days go by, water flowing underground. Into the blue again, in the silent water. Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground.

Greetings from Duty Ferry, Louisiana. Home of the Jim Bowie Relay Station.

http://www.jimbowiesrelaystation.com/history.html

She makes Texas Ruby look like Sandra Dee.

My apolgies to any bloggers or friends that may be feeling ignored at this particular time. My apologies to my blog which may be lonely. My schedule has been a bit cramped as of present.

My husband came in two days ago and I have been working my days out of town far away from any resemblance of proper civilzation. Yesterday afternoon, I actually knocked on door of a house in which the occupants literally slopped their pigs right there in the front yard. Now, that's curb appeal people. I really do wish I could make up something that wonderful, but I can't.

The little boys in the freezer at Brookshire's have disappeared to my dismay. I actually enjoyed to find out what they were wearing every few weeks. At last sight, one was wearing a very bright embriodered mexican mu-mu and a huge sombrero, among the pork chops. But all is not lost, I did find this funny wooden man seated at a piano in a lobby of a bar where some friends were playing in a pool tournament.

David and I have a small yard project to accomplish this weekend and the kids will over for the next couple of weeks. My plate is officially full. Any other tasks may be placed on the sideboard for later consideration. Thank you for your understanding.

Yours truly,

The Janitor